Feeling Lost? Find your purpose!
Finding your purpose in life is powerful. Knowing your reason for living, not only gives you deep joy & fulfillment but brings you into alignment with your authentic self. When that happens, anything is possible. Adversity washes over you; nothing can break you. You become naturally energised, creating a positive impact in the world. Research proves it & those living their purpose show it.
My favourite example in that of 17-year-old Greta Thunberg the autistic climate change activist. In 2019, Greta tweeted, “Before I started school striking, I had no energy, no friends and I didn’t speak to anyone. I just sat alone at home, with an eating disorder. All of that is gone now, since I have found a meaning, in a world that that sometimes seems shallow and meaningless to so many people”. Like countless others, stories like these are not only inspiring but show how powerful purpose is.
If you feel lost, unfulfilled or yearning for something deeper – find your purpose & life direction.
There will be no better medicine to cure you. Fuel your journey to purpose by reading the following 6 insights.
Insight #1: Know that adversity is a crucible for finding purpose
When you are faced with adversity, like being in a job you hate or the ending of a relationship, an existential crisis often pops up. Natural thoughts arise like “What is my purpose”? “Where am I suppose to be”?, “Who am I”, & “What should I do next”?.
If you don’t know the answers to these questions, the uncertainty and ambiguity can make you feel lost, confused & fearful. Since your brain loves what is familiar &, wants to keep you safe, your survival system will kick in flooding your body with stress hormones. Many people get lost here, reacting, and playing out old patterns. They are trying to regain control and certainty. Whilst, you may get temporary relief & safety, that feeling of unfulfillment, being lost & pained, will resurface.
A friend of mine was fired from his job, one that he disliked intensely. Unable to move past his fears & old patterns, he choose a similar profession in a different industry. He rationalised that it was his boss & the culture of the place. Within 6 months, those old feelings of unfulfillment & discontentment re-emerged.
A wiser perspective to consider, is using your adversity as crucible to reset & grow into your full potential & purpose. If we look to people who found their ikigai (their reason to live), like Oprah Winfrey, Victor Frankl, JK Rowling & Jack Ma – the path to their purpose came from transforming their adversity into growth. They overcame their growth challenges & became bigger & better for it.
If your in a crucible of change, & want to use the experience to move closer to your purpose, keep the following in mind:
Proactively manage the tension & anxiety that comes with uncertainty, so you don’t make decisions out of fear
Try to unpack & let go of dysfunctional ways of doing, thinking & feeling because it blocks you from accessing your true authentic self, the part of you that inherently knows what you’re here to do and why
Relax, relax, relax. I know sounds counterintuitive, but when you evoke the relaxation response it counters the stress (or “fight or flight”) response. From here you are able to tap into your intuition, creativity & wisdom – critical tools you need for your journey
Seek support you don’t have to go it alone
You have it within you to rise through adversity & reach your brightest potential.
Insight #2: Your exactly where you need to be
“A lot of times people think, someday my path will start. But whatever is happening in this moment is the path. You’re already on it”.
– Marianne Williamson.
Life is a journey and so is living your purpose. There is a saying “there are many paths to the top of a mountain”. Let go of the notions that “I should know where I am going”, “I should know how I am going to get there”, “I shouldn’t be here” or “I am lost”.
Everything happens for a reason. But that reason is often not known, until you look back in hindsight. The world is complex, we know this from systems theory. The flap of a butterfly wing can impact the weather patterns in Brazil. In a world of cause and reaction, it is impossible to predict future outcomes or know what is going to emerge.
Did Steve Job know that taking a calligraphy class would inspire him to include a wide range of fonts on the first Macs? No. Steve Jobs was exactly where he needed to be – like you.
A more relatable example, that I see with clients, is the intense dislike or unfulfillment they have for their jobs. Feeling down, depleted & confused, they focus on why it’s not working & why their boss is a jerk. Although challenging, I tell my clients “you are exactly where you need to be”.
Why? Your soul is calling for you to find your purpose. By realising you hate something, your one step closer to finding what you love. Use your job, as a means to an end – finding your purpose.
For self compassion reasons, please stop telling yourself “I am lost” or “I don’t know where I am going” – you do. Your on a journey & not knowing the ending is apart of that. In your struggle there is meaning, if you recognise it as such. It might take years, even decades, to discover your reason for being. But be patient, you owe it to yourself.
Get comfortable with uncertainty because its where possibilities will open up.
Remember, what you habitually think, feel or believe or accept as 'true' with your conscious mind, will sink down into your subconscious mind. Once the subconscious mind accepts the idea, it forms a blueprint and begins to execute it, showing in your decisions, actions feelings and experiences. So if you keep saying your lost, guess what, your going to continue to feel that way.
More helpful & affirming phrases include:
I’m on a journey
I’m on a vision quest to uncover my purpose
My purpose is being born I am simply having a stop over to experience a growth lesson
I am evolving, learning & growing
I am getting into alignment with my authentic self
Choose to be empowered.
Insight #3: Watch out for the red herrings
As humans we have innate needs that need to be fulfilled so we feel secure in the world. Think of Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs (recently revised by humanistic psychologist Scott Kaufman). Basic ones include food & shelter. Two other key needs are connection with people and feeling worthy. If these needs are not met & you are unconscious about them, they become the main reason for living.
People will often confuse their needs for their purpose.
For example, a lot of people will chase fame & wealth because they are deeply insecure- they feel they are ‘not enough’. Others will chase connection & safety by joining gangs & terrorist groups. A lot of people just want certainty, so they will stay put in the same job for 10 years even though they are miserable. Typically. once their needs are met, that feeling of unfulfillment appears.
A client of mine started a career in medicine. Everyone was so proud of him, especially his parents. After 1 year of practising, he felt extremely exhausted and tired.
Everyday begin to feel like ground hog day. Slowly a depression fell over him, to the point he could not work. He realised his career had nothing to do with his passions, strengths or purpose. It drained him. In the end it was social status & parental approval that drove his decision making.
A lot of people, live their entire life fulfilling their security & safety needs, failing to reach their full potential & purpose. They stay stuck in a cycle of wanting & fearing. Before making key decisions, go within and ask yourself, “What purpose does this serve”? “What will this give me”?
Be conscious of what you are chasing and why.
Insight #4: You have two purposes! Start within first & the rest will fall into place.
“All dreams start from the core. Unless you are in total alignment with whatever you envision, the dream will get derailed. Your intention has to be pure”.
– Oprah Winfrey
World renowned spiritual teacher – Eckhart Tolle says we have two purposes – an inner one and outer one. I emphasis this profound insight as it was pivotal to confirming & living my purpose, along millions of others around the world.
When you focus on your inner purpose your outer purpose arises naturally. It is simple you have to be in sync with your authentic self so you can follow your hearts true calling.
Many people are lost in thinking, reacting, doing & emotional pain, which have led us to follow many red herrings. Instead of being consumed by this illusion, your inner purpose is to be conscious & present in the now, to awaken.
When you’re in contact with your authentic inner self you will naturally feel fulfilled & joyful. Nothing including your outer purpose will add to that. Famous actor and comedian, Jim Carrey shares his own experience.
When u connect deeply to your true self – inspiration comes. You come to know why you are here and what you must do. During COVID-19, I was at a crossroads, continue my C-level HR career or do something different. Confused, lost & fearful, I made the conscious choice to focus on my inner purpose.
After several months of meditation, being out in nature, reflecting on mystical teachings, letting go of emotional pain, forgiving people & changing some dysfunctional thinking patterns, a space of stillness opened up inside of me. I experienced (& still do), intense bouts of joy, fulfillment, awe & beauty without reason. It was from this place, that an internal knowing arose and I knew what to do. What path to follow. And consequently, my outer purpose was born – teach & develop people.
It was not sexy, safe or mind blowing. In fact it is closely aligned to what I have done in my HR career. It did though, light a fire inside of me, I knew that I could not go back to the lucrative career of corporate.
Know that when you focus on your inner purpose, your outer purpose comes to being naturally. And when that happens the whole universe will conspire with you to make it happen.
Insight # 5: The key means to finding & living your purpose
When we have a goal, we often try to achieve it logically, outlining several strategies to achieve it. Know that if your seeking your ikigai, your reason for living, it will not come through deductive reasoning & logical decision making, with a tidy ‘how to’ plan.
The quest of finding & living your purpose is an inner journey, the terrain of intuition.
Some people think that intuition is nonsense. That’s natural because we want certainty, safety & facts. We’ve learnt to value logic and rationale thinking over gut instinct. If you are one of these people – I get it. For a long time, I doubted its validity too, I wanted proof about what direction to take & why. It wasn’t until I faced a crisis, that I was able to understand that this need was limiting my full potential.
Take for example, it was found that many of the world’s most influential businessmen admit to making decisions based on intuition rather than logical, deliberate thinking. Renowned researcher Gary Klein reveals that, in fact, 90 percent of the critical decisions we make is based on our intuition. Albert Einstein’s theory of relativity was born from intuition. Conceived in 1907, his theory was not proven until 2017 – incredible.
So how do you tap into your intuition? Its super easy.
First get into a relaxed state (meditation, walking in nature, hot bath etc
Next, clear yourself of thinking, doing & reacting
Step into a space of being, just be in the now
Naturally, ideas, pictures and thoughts will pop up, that’s your intuition speaking to you
Understand that whilst tapping into your intuition, you won’t get a massive neon sign falling from the sky, saying ‘this way’. Or a logical tidy plan outlining the next 100 actions you need to take. You might only get 1 step at a time. Remember what Martin Luther King said “Faith is taking the first step, even when you don’t see the whole staircase”.
To gain confidence in your intuition, do a little detective work and look back retrospectively. You will find a trail of breadcrumbs leading you to your purpose. Ask yourself:
“When did I feel most inspired?”
“What did I love to do as a kid?
“What activities most energise me?”
“What comes naturally to me?”
“What do people come to me for?”
“Who are my Idols?
Another way to to strengthen your intuition, is to use the 5 second rule by Mel Robbins. If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it. In other words, if you an intuitive hit – ACT on it!
And lastly, if your only getting little nudges here and there, just nourish what makes your feel confident, connected & contented. The answers will come.
You already know, you were born with innate knowing & instinct.
Insight #6: How will I know when I found it?
Your purpose is a journey that will expand, contract, deepen & change over time. You cannot possibly know what the future will bring or how.
If you found your life direction & need confirmation use the following checklist as a ‘loose guide’:
My purpose comes to me easily, naturally & effortlessly – it taps into my innate strengths
I have a deep knowing that this is for me
I can work on my purpose for hours, getting into a flow state
Even though I am tired my work energises me
I have always been drawn to this
As a kid, I was drawn to this topic
It serves the greater good of all
I feel deeply fulfilled & satisfied even in the face of adversity & uncertainty
I can be myself, my purpose is an extension of my personality
A popular life coaching tool, ikigai can also provide a sense check. Look at the diagram, does your purpose tick these boxes?
I trust you enjoyed reading this blog post & gained some insight to light your way. Make sure you subscribe to be notified of Part 2: Living your purpose powerfully.
References:
Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth: Awakening to Your Lifes Purpose. Large print ed. Waterville, Me.: Walker Large Print, 2008.
Kaufman, Barry Scott. Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. 2020
Winfrey, Oprah. The path made clear. Discovering your life direction & purpose. 2019.
Robbins, Mel. The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage. 2017.
Murphy, Joseph. The power of your subconscious mind. 1963 (first publication, updated 2019).
Klein, Gary. The Power of Intuition: How to Use Your Gut Feelings to Make Better Decisions at Work. 2007.
Garcia, Hector. Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life. 2017.
